Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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