Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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