Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
