Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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