Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
