is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
