non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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