One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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