I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
