READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
