Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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