Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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