You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
