with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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