In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
