you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
