is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
