Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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