The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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