I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
