The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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