I wanna bring you to show and tell
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
