guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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