oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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