please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
