so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
