So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
