She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
