Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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