On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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