im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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