My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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