I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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