I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
