then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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