i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
