i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
