MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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