I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
