I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
