it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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