You smell like stripper and shame
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
well you can't waste a boner
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
