i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
