I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
