Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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