You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
