If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He kissed a someone with a penis
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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