FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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