The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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