I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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