you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
