Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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