His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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