my mouth tastes like poor choices
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
