I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I died a long time ago.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
