i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
