Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
