she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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