Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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