I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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