The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You ate ashes out of my bong
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
