Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
