Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
