I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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