um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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