fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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