I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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