The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
