You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
